Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Color Me: Unity

[google images]

Unity means exactly what it sounds like: to be joined as one. 

Today's post was inspired by a recent conversation I had with the boyfriend. We have our differences in opinions in life since we aren't necessarily two people joined to become an identical one whole self. 

Unity within PLUR means to love one another without judgement or singling people out. Take them all under your arms with a big bear hug. What is a rave culture without PLUR? Why do people always talk about being PLUR as if it can be a lifestyle? Because it can, the world we live in is full of judgement, bullying, and leaving people out. We are all human and we just want to belong somewhere. 

When we are in a relationship, we try our best not to ram each of our head's into each other with differing opinions. I try my best to stay objective and I've learned from my past experiences not to become someone the other wants me to be. 

I've been broken down, shaped, and molded into the "perfect" girlfriend before because that is what I thought love was. To become the perfect girlfriend a guy could ever want. Boy, was I wrong about that. Then I went through a phase where I was being rebellious and decided I am going to be what I want to be and the guys I date can take me or leave me. Up to them if they can handle my fierce personality.

Fortunately for the boyfriend, he arrived at a great time since I have finally found myself and figured out all the knots and kinks in my identity/personality. As I am learning in my current psychology course called "Adult Development"- I have become a much more "well-differentiated" being. 

This means, I do not do everything someone tells me to do nor do I rebel at every beckoning need. Recently, we were talking about the whole nightclub scene issue again. As a brief note- I am still fairly new to the rave/EDM scene and as far as I know, I am in love with festivals. The boyfriend likes to be a hard ass about how the whole raving culture is MAINLY about music but to me, I see raving as more than just music. It's about the people you meet, the experiences you gain, and the environment that sets the mood. 

I completely understand how the boyfriend wants to go to all these nightclubs hosting famous DJ's that he admires and wants to see but for me, I absolutely dread nightclubs. They were never my scene and probably never will be. I have been going to all these events in support of the boyfriend getting to see the DJs' live. Everyone is different and we can't all like the same things as each other.

When the boyfriend is happy, I'm happy. Right? 
Who hasn't heard of that one before.

I didn't enjoy the scene much when I went but I still had fun because I found a way to enjoy the nights. Especially just being with the boyfriend and seeing him happy, made me happy. I guess the same doesn't go for him. He wants us to be both happy when we go to events and that's completely fair but there are some things that people are willing to go on a limb for. This is one of those moments because if we only ever did what was mutually decided to be fun... life would be very boring.

I am still willing to go with him as his partner rather than sending him off alone to a nightclub but he insists I shouldn't go if I will not have fun and dislike such settings. Unity comes into play because communication is important in a relationship as well as putting two heads together to think as one.

Someone once told me, it's better to be in a relationship where two people start from nothing and reach the top with everything instead of two people who meet with everything and end with nothing. I have been on both ends of the spectrum before- when you start with nothing, you build the foundation together and see the bigger picture together

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Color Me: Love

What does Love mean to you? Everyone has a different meaning of Love.

Girl: Do you love me?
Guy: Of course I love you.
Girl: Why do you love me?
Guy: Because...

Does this conversation sound familiar? Well of course anyone who has been in a relationship has heard these lines before. Usually it's always the girls asking the guys for their reassurance and understanding to confirm the guy they are with loves them [truly].

[I apologize for taking so long to create this next post, Love is a never-ending topic and I wanted to take the time necessary to make this post the way I want it to motivate and influence others how how Love should truly be handled- with care. I might even have to separate this post into two so it doesn't seem so lengthy.]

There are other kinds of love in this world and I am here to share the types of Love I have been given and delivered.

Let us briefly list the different kinds of Love we are familiar with:

-Significant Others
-And more...

But wait! If there is anything I have learned [22 years later in life] is to "love yourself".

[google images]

This is sort of a long story but I will try and keep it short of how I came to love myself before others.

There are many girls out there who can relate- I was looking for love [but what is love?] in all the wrong places.

Years and years, I have been used and abused through different types of people including the ones calling themselves "family" as well as "friends". I have learned to trust no one and within I couldn't trust myself either.

Once in awhile you hear things like "people should be more like dogs in the manner that they will always love you unconditionally through thick and thin". While living in California for a brief period of time, I wanted to give back to the world by volunteering at an animal shelter [with my passion for helping animals in need A.K.A. helpless].

After a few weeks, I noticed all the new dogs that came in and the ones that have left. I am so ecstatic when dogs leave although it is saddening to see them gone after you have spent some time with them. But happy for them that they found a loving home. Now there was this new one that came in, her name was "Delilah" [what a beautiful name], not to mention how beautiful her coat and overall figure was.

(I got lucky enough to find a picture of Delilah while I volunteered at the shelter).

Each day I went to volunteer, I was so excited to visit Delilah! Why? She stole my heart. I have never felt this way before and trust me when I say this- my friends and mom thought I was crazy for telling them that "I fell in love with her the moment I laid my eyes on her". I mean by the time she arrived at the shelter, I had already been acquainted with all the dogs there and I would be able to tell when there was a new on in town. 

I tell this story once in awhile and I still get goosebumps thinking of the day I first met her and the times we had spent together. [To be honest, our relationship wasn't about daydreaming and floating on clouds, I don't think she really cared that I was in love with her. All she wanted from me was... to get out of her kennel. One day, she sneaked past me and was on the loose- running all over the animal shelter I thought I was going to be in big doodoo. I eventually caught up to her and returned her back into the kennel]. This is exactly why she had a yellow sticker next to her name saying she is much harder to handle than the little rascals with green stickers. 

My time was ending due to leaving the state to go back to Washington since that is where my 'family' resides and they needed me to help financially and take care of household needs. My heart was so broken to have to part with my dear Delilah

Due to my circumstances, there was no way on Earth that I could adopt her for myself. That would be absolutely selfish on my part since I cannot provide her a comfortable home, the love and attention a pet requires, and even to financially support another living creature under my care. 

Who said I was never selfish? I knew I wanted her and my motto is "I get what I want". But getting what I want does not come that easily... there are hoops and obstacles I must go through. At first having seen which dogs get adopted and the requirements to adopt, I thought I would not pass to adopt Delilah. Thank God, I passed and I was the luckiest girl to be able to take Delilah home with me!

What was the point of this story? Fast forward a few years to the present. Within the few years I have been with Delilah, she has taught me many life lessons that I would not have been able to learn without her. 

First, she showed me that Love doesn't come easy. You have to earn Love and within Love, there are many factors that build Love. Trust, coming from a shelter she had trust issues. I have no idea what she has been through but like myself, we came from similar backgrounds pertaining to trust. Through trial and error, the two of us became attached at the hip and learned to be partners in crime. 

Second, she showed me how to "love unconditionally". We get taught in Sunday school that God loves us unconditionally but what does that mean exactly? I went through some difficult phases in my life recently and it wasn't pretty. Delilah had to take on negative vibes and situations coming from me due to stress and through all the hardships, she still loved me. She always loved me and continues to love me. I can't say the same for her. [Now listen up carefully, this is important].

She loves me unconditionally through thick and thin but I wasn't able to keep my promise to her. There are times I neglected her... I absolutely hate myself for doing this and there is no excuse for the things I have done to her. I am HER world and I am her only FRIEND ... yet I ignored her. She was only trying to be of comfort yet I excused myself away from her so I can be miserable alone.

Eventually I came around to learn from her as my role model [for Love]. I believe she was an angel sent from God to show me how to Love.

Third, thanks to Delilah- I learned how to Love and without her I wouldn't have been able to last this long in the relationship I have with my boyfriend. He would have been just another tool I used without Love. For the first time in my life, I learned to love a 'person'. All these years what I thought was "Love" was either an infatuation or just straight-up fake.

If you want to know what true love is like and how to love unconditionally, learn from your own dog. Not all dogs will be able to teach you such in-depth life lessons but I got lucky since we came from a similar background and was able to help each other get through our insecurities to trust and to love no matter what happens between us.